Saturday, September 10, 2011

Decision criteria

I'm not sure yet, but I'm contemplating tossing my vote for the next President of the United States to the person with the best hair. In 2008 I voted for the person I thought would be the least worst President. He didn't win and we got what we got.

Now, nearly four years later, the country is deeper in debt; unemployment is higher; the stock market is lower; rumors of terror attacks are looming; banks aren't loaning money; no one's buying houses; we've had tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, blizzards...nothing seems to be going right.

I haven't decided for sure, but I think basing my decision on who has the best hair is valid. Call me shallow, but if things are going to stay this badI'd prefer looking at a decent looking person for the next four years over a less decent looking person.

Right now, Rick Perry and Mitt Romney are in the lead.

Rick has great locks. Shiny and thick. I like that.

I've met Mitt and he's one of the most handsome men I've ever seen. Really. He has just the right touch of gray. He's who I'd cast for POTUS if I was making a movie. I wish he'd lighten up on the gel, and just let it go au naturel.

Newt Gingrich has a great head of hair, but I'm not a fan of big men with huge heads of white hair. They remind me of Q Tips. He's out.

Barack-star is also out. The worse the state of the Union, the shorter and grayer his hair gets. Sorry, he doesn't even deserve a photo.

Michele Bachmann has decent hair. She's in the competition. I like how she's moved from brown to auburn. I think it's a little long for a woman her age and a little too helmet-ish, though.

If Hillary would throw her mane in the ring, I'd consider her as long as she continues to use a hairdresser. When she does her own hair it's an epic fail.

I think you can figure out where I stand on Rudy Guiliani.

An up and comer is the guy from Utah, John Huntsman. He's low in the polls, but coming on strong. Huntsman's hair is the right length, nicely salted and peppered, vibrant and healthy.

Of course this is all just in the thinking phase. If the best hair would have won in 2008 we might have President Slime Bag John Edwards and First Girlfriend Rielle Hunter whooping it up in the White House.

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