Thursday, March 24, 2011

Why I'm mad at Barack-star today

All this lousy world news (wars, earthquakes, tsunamis, unemployment, collapse of the Euro, fat children, borders under assault by illegal aliens, healthcare costs, etc. etc.) has completely knocked Elizabeth Taylor's passing off the front page and the cable news channels.

That totally bums me out.

And, I blame Barack for not handling these situations as they came up.

Bummer.

I wanted to see more old footage of Richard Burton and Liz, National Velvet, Liz as Maggie in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, Elizabeth wearing those turban hats, hanging out with cool guys like Rock Hudson, Roddy McDowell, and Montgomery Clift...but no.

It's just one crappy story after another. The world is falling apart. This bad news has even knocked Charlie Sheen out of the A Block.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Yankee, Go Home


So there was a slight change of plans for the Obama clan. Apparently Rio has its share of racists and right-wing fanatics, too. These crazed folks took to the streets and sent a slightly unwelcoming message to the reluctant leader of the free world, causing his handlers to call an audible and cancel the big guy's speech in the city square.

Hopefully day 2 of Spring Break For The Obama's will go better.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Blame It On Rio


This Barack-star guy is even more amateur than I originally thought. Where has he been lately? Certainly not working on the situation in Libya, or putting an assistance plan together for Japan, or getting tough with Iran, or negotiating a better healthcare deal, or putting together a serious budget that might impact our ballooning deficit. In fact. this dude is so indecisive he's actually making Jimmy Carter look like one of history's great leaders. Yep. Now that times are really rough he's taking the fam and FLYING TO RIO!!!

Mutton Dressed As Lamb

It's the time of year when a not-so-great trend rears its ugly head. Dum de dum dum. Moms wearing their teenage daughter's clothes.

No, no, a thousand times no.

As a good friend of mine (who in the interest if protecting him, will remain anonymous) says, "Forever 21 is not meant to be taken literally."

No, middle-aged woman, you're not 21. In fact, we both rounded that bend some time ago. Please step away from the mini-dresses and the plunging necklines, I beg you to cover your upper arms, and above all else give up the short shorts. Too much skin, too many animal prints, and big patterns become a joke when you wear them.

You can still be fashionable. What you can't be is cute in your daughter's clothes. Sorry. Give them up.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Grow up, would you?

Here's something that really ticks me off. Grown people, like 60-years-old, who continually drink and drive. Especially the ones who can afford to hire a cab or even a driver. Seriously. What makes these arrogant folks think they have the right to endanger my life and yours? The next time I have to move over two lanes because you're swerving and following me too close, I'm calling the police.

I'm talking about you. You know exactly who you are. If I could follow you every night just to get you off the streets I would. Unfortunately, I don't have time. If you have to drink yourself into oblivion every night, the least you could do is stay home.

Consider yourself warned.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Just a suggestion

Hey! I was at Walmart the other day and saw those folding umbrella strollers on sale for less than $25. If you have a baby or toddler, I'd suggest you do everyone a favor and invest in one. It's not quite like the mini-coupe-sized strollers all the new moms are blocking aisles with these days, but really portable. I toted my son around in one for a few years and he didn't seem to suffer any permanent physical or psychological damage.

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